Blogging after what feels like ages… So the writing is going to be mighty rusty. A charming request was made by a dear friend earlier this week who asked me to ‘return’ with a post. The ideas for the post ranged from the debacle that was Furious 7 to World Cup reactions. However, there was something incredibly tempting about “Top 5 Alcoholics You Will Encounter.”
While I thought this was done to death, I felt I could rather comment on the “Top 5 Guardians of the Drunk”.
And since the birthday just went by, the alcohol was not too far and the teetotallers were closer than ever. So here goes nothing. *hic*
1. *SLAP* “Feeling better now, no?” *gulps down drink*
This kind is the most self righteous of the lot. They believe they have seen it all, done it all and even drank it all. And the only way to bring anyone “back” to their senses is to slap them out of it. Hard. Fast. Straight on the cheek. Even before you know what hit you, you’re eyeballs are all over the place and you’re losing your footing.
Advice: THIS DOES NOT WORK. STOP INJURING THE HARMLESS, YOU ROGUE. ALSO, YOU WERE FOUND BY YOUR PARENTS IN A DUSTBIN. HMPH.
2. The Designated Drivers.
Life Lesson #473693: Be BFFs with the sober one who drives and you shall have the best time of your life without worrying about how to get home.
These adorable ones let you be, refill your glass, hold on to you on the dance floor and even stop you from embarrassing yourself. BEST. FOLKS. EVER. And they will also slap that self righteous slapper if you ask them to.
3. Emo train wrecks who bulldoze their way into care-taking.
More than a person, this is a phase most teetotallers go through. They think they have you figured out. They’re also easy to spot. They’re usually the ones who are yelling “YOU ARE DRUNK I KNOW IT” at an innocent soul who is holding their second glass. Of water.
These guys are also usually the ones that will finish all the food even before you can lay your eyes on it. Don’t even get me started on the chasers. Easily, the most annoying of the lot. To add to it, they will check on you next morning by saying “Feeling like shit? I told you not to drink so much.”
NOTE: In case you were wondering, no – there is no way to escape this lot.
4. High on Life types. No pun intended.
These guys are second only to the drivers. They’re not drunk, nor have they sipped alcohol all night but they’ll let you indulge. Periodically, they will send an ice cube down your shirt, switch your glass and even empty your drink in the ice pail. But these guys have your best interests in mind even while they’re having fun at your expense.
They will stop you from drunk texting, will walk you to the bar if you need to refill for the 15th time, and will even hold your hair back when your face is in the dumps. But you’re never going to get a “I told you so.” In fact, they’ll be buying you your first drink the next time you guys are out.
NOTE: If you find these types, put them in your entourage this very moment. Bestest chaps!
5. The drunkard who is suddenly sober because somebody else is terribly drunk.
So, ABC can’t walk by him/herself. Can’t focus. Nor can the giggles be controlled. But throw another drunkard in the picture and suddenly, *SNAP*. ABC is up and about setting the record straight.
The grip is suddenly back, focus is at its all time high & the wish to indulge has evaporated.
NOTE: This species is rare and far apart. Don’t go looking. Trust me, you’ll know when one is around.
So this was what I could put together from my experiences so far. How about you guys? Email, whatsapp, call & comment and let me know and maybe my next post could be a compilation of that? Great, I think I am going to go drink to that now. Cheers!